happy now . LOL

Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman at a $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

English Nouns: Male or Female

From the Washington Post Style Invitational in which it was postulated that English has male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice, and explain their reason.

The best submissions:
Detective Novel -- f., because you're not supposed to peek at its end the minute you pick it up.

Swiss Army Knife -- m., because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

Kidneys -- f., because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

Penlight -- m., because it can be turned on very easily, but isn't very bright.

Hammer -- m., because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around and is good for killing spiders.

Tire -- m., because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

Hot air balloon -- m., because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part.

Web page -- f., because it is always getting hit on.

Web page -- m., because you have to wait for it to reload.

Shoe -- m., because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

Copier -- f., because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right
buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

Ziploc bags -- m., because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

Sponges -- f., because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

Critic -- f. What, this needs to be explained?

Subway -- m., because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.

Hourglass -- f., because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

Cars -- f., most of the time they're ok, but if you mistreat them or don't service them they soon break down and/or turn into a wreck.

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

Now You Know Everything

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's, "It's a Wonderful Life."

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak

Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister who was a sniper in Vietnam.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

—Cate, Princeton, NJ