Over the Hill

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

Odometers

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why"
I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

Golf

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called
witchcraft... today, it's called golf.

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

Surgery

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and
he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he
was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go
well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live
with you and your wife...."

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

A Minute

Smith climbs to the top of Mt Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

Poison

A man goes to see a Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what, let me talk to her. I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife... I spoke to her for three hours... you want my advice?"
The man said. "Yes!"
The Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

The First

A man picks up a young woman in a bar and persuades her to come back to his
hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you
ever made love to?"
She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be,"
she says. "Your face looks familiar."

—Cate, Princeton, NJ

Secret To A Happy Marriage

A couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.  Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town,"What a peaceful and loving couple."

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by a pack of mules. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once'."

"We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead."

"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the mule, when she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once.' "
"And we lived happily ever after."

—David, UK