An old Jewish man lived alone in
the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very
hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Saul, who used to
help him, was in prison for Insider Trading and Stock Fraud. The
old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
"Dear Solly:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would
be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Papa"
A few days later the old man received
a letter from his son:
"Dear Papa:
For heaven's sake Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I
buried the money & stocks.
Love,
Your son Solly."
At 4 am the next morning, a team
of FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and
dug up the entire garden area without finding any money or stocks.
They apologized to the old man and left. The next day the old man
received another letter from his son:
"Dear Papa:
Now you can plant the potatoes. That's the best I could do for you
under the circumstances.
Love,
Your son, Solly."
—Cate,
Princeton, NJ
1. Men are like ........Laxatives......
They irritate the shit out of you.
2. Men are like...... Bananas...... The older they get, the less
firm they are.
3. Men are like...... Weather..... Nothing can be done to change
them.
4. Men are like...... Blenders..... You need One, but you're not
quite sure why.
5. Men are like..... Chocolate Bars.... Sweet, smooth, & they
usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like..... Commercials...... You can't believe a word
they say.
7. Men are like...... Department Stores..... Their clothes are always
1/2 off.
8. Men are like........ Government Bonds..... They take soooooooo
long to mature.
9. Men are like..... Mascara...... They usually run at the first
sign of emotion.
10. Men are like..... Popcorn. .... They satisfy you, but only for
a little while.
11. Men are like ... Snowstorms.... You never know when they're
coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like...... Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very
bright.
13. Men are like...... Parking Spots....... All the good ones are
taken, the rest are handicapped..
—Cate,
Princeton, NJ
- Never read the fine print. There ain't no way
you're going to like it.
- If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most
likely your butt will get soaking wet.
- People who live in glass houses should make
love in the basement.
- The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody
has the same size bucket.
- To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.
- In about 40 years, there will be thousands
of old tattooed ladies running around.
- Money can't buy happiness -- but it's more
comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
- Drinking makes some husbands see double and
feel single.
- Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun
out of Halloween.
—Cate,
Princeton, NJ
Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates
and are comparing stories on how they died.
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking
from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died
a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I
suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to
catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in
the den watching TV.
1st woman: So what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.
Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became
so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart
attack and died!
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer.
We'd both still be alive.
—Cate,
Princeton, NJ
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs
are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet
or desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours
a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died,
would you get another dog?"
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give
them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling
you a pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They
just think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
22. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
23. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
24. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.
And, last but not least:
26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
—Cate,
Princeton, NJ
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